Is social media making us antisocial? I’m not the first to ask this question. Most of what I read answers this question with a resounding yes, social media makes us antisocial. I don’t see it this way but give me a minute to explain.

Is Social Media Making Us Antisocial?

Human Nature Hasn’t Changed—Much 

I once took an unscientific survey in a breakroom at lunch over three days. More than 80 percent of the employees in the room were on their phones. At one table, six of the seven teammates dining shoulder-to-shoulder were on their phones. You might be thinking, now wait a minute, Randy, I thought you said social media wasn’t making us antisocial. What gives?

Before smartphones, I remember reading the newspaper at lunch in the breakroom. I wasn’t alone. I think what has changed is the technology, not the tendencies.

Have you ever taken the subway, NYC, Atlanta, London? When you do, you’ll find the vast majority of the commuters on devices. However, if you were to view photos of the same trains 40 years ago, before devices, you’d see commuter after commuter buried in print—newspapers, magazines, and books.

My point is social media hasn’t changed humankind into some new antisocial creature. We haven’t suddenly morphed into Homo Antisocialus. People have always had antisocial tendencies, some more than others, but why is that? Good question.

I researched antisocial behavior and found varied as well as opposing opinions from the scientific community. I found no definitive answer, so I asked myself, am I antisocial, and if so, why?

I’m not, I’m closer to being obnoxious and space invading than antisocial, but I do have my moments. When I find myself drawing inward, it’s often self-protection. It’s fear. Fear of being found out for the charlatan I am. Fear of not seeming smart enough, funny enough, caring enough, charming enough or? It doesn’t matter what fear drives the behavior. It’s the knowledge that it’s driven by fear that’s important.

How to Overcome Antisocial Behavior

  1. Recognize your fear and set it aside. Most of our fears around people are based on worries about what they will think of us. The truth is most people could give a care. They’re not thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves.
  2. Turn off your device (or put down your book). Turn it off during meetings, conferences, and one-on-ones. Anytime you’re engaged with others, turn off your device or, better yet, leave it in the other room. And don’t think you can sneak a peek. Come on, man, we all know what you’re doing. Turn. It. Off.
  3. You’ll live without a ping-zing. Do you know that little spark of adrenaline when a new ping comes in? It’s validation that you’re liked and wanted. Well, here’s the truth, it’s not real, and once you realize that, you can live without it. You don’t need a ping-zing rush as a testament to your worthiness.
  4. Plan Face-to-face time. Plan time to be with friends in person or virtually. Go to a networking event, or just hang out with your partner and talk. No phones or books, only you and others conversing in real-time, in real life.

Are you Antisocial?

I’m one of the least antisocial people I know, but like I said, I have my moments. So, yes, sometimes I’m antisocial. The key for me is to understand it. Face my fears, turn off my devices, set down my book, and say hello.

Hello, how are you this fine day?

How Can I Help You?

I like to help people and organizations, but I have three criteria I consider before taking an assignment – I believe in what the organization stands for, I know I can help, and it looks like fun. If you have any questions, Contact Me. 

So, does your business have a management training plan? Because, if not, many organizations, large and small, use my book, The New Manager’s Workbook a crash course in effective management, as the basis for their leadership development program. Check it out. It might help you stop putting off what you want to do.

Photo by Peter Lawrence on Unsplash